You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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