he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the day after is always just damage control
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
