I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
