the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to sanitize my soul.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
