So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
