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so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
