About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
