I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
