I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
