if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize