No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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