I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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