Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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