she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
