dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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