well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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