she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
