She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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