My liver just broke up with me...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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