I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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