If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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