im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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