I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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