More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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