whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
