youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
