2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
