just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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