she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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