I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
