she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize