You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
