Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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