May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This baby is an asshole
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
