I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize