my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize