haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
