My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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