Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
