I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
