I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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