She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I currently don't understand fingers.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
