She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
