I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
