I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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