I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
