Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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