i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
