Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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