That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
