is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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