Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize