Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
