Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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