We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
