I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
