i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
