You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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