guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
