dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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