my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
