I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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