96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
