I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You ruined the universe
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
