oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
