You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As shirtless as possible
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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