drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
