The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize