oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
