If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize