god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
